Beyond Enlightenment ~ 18

event type	discourse
date & time	20 Oct 1986 pm
location	Sumila, Juhu, Bombay
language	English
audio	Available, duration 1h 53min. Quality: good.
online audio	free download from OshoWorld purchase from Osho.com
video	Available, duration 1h 57min. Quality: good.
online video
see also	timeline : Osho Timeline 1986 first edition : Beyond Enlightenment (1986.12) other editions, translations and links
online text	find the PDF of this discourse
shorttitle	ENLIGH18

notes

synopsis: Reader of the questions: Ma Prem Maneesha.

Question 1 from Surabhi

Beloved Osho, I am always afraid of being alone, because when I am alone I start to wonder who I am. It feels that if I inquire deeper, I will find out that I am not the person who I have believed I was for the past twenty-six years, but a being, present at the moment of birth and maybe also the moment before.

For some reason, this scares me completely. It feels like a kind of insanity, and makes me lose myself in outside things in order to feel safer.

Osho, who am I, and why the fear?

Question 2

Beloved Osho, is sitting silently, doing nothing, watching the grass grow -- and maybe falling asleep -- really enough?

I once heard you say about Freud that he probably was not able to create himself. Or I heard you say that we create our own lives, our own hells and miseries, and that we are responsible.

If sitting silently really is enough, where does the word 'effort' or 'discipline' come in? Then, if we are doing something, what are we 'doing'? Can we do anything at all, or am I dreaming that I am doing something?

Somewhere I am so tired of it. But then also am I going to end up in a state of lethargy and indifference, in which I cannot see any love or beauty?

Question 3

Beloved Osho, in nine years of being with you, I feel that I have done all I can as far as intelligence goes to be with you. And yet now I feel in more chaos and confusion, and more ignorant than ever. I even feel on the point of giving up.

Is there something I should be doing? Is there some way to be more intelligent and more wakeful? -- because I am sure that I have already missed a thousand times.

Question 4

Beloved Osho, before becoming your sannyasin, I was desperately seeking spiritual truth. Despite what I felt to be many genuine spiritual experiences, I remained discontented and desperate.

After sannyas I began to live with your people, work in your communes and most of all, feel your beauty and peace grow in my heart. In this time, my burning desires for spiritual experience and the fruits of those experiences have been slowly disappearing.

Nowadays I simply enjoy everyday life, and everything that goes with it -- a tasty meal, a walk in the countryside, a good laugh with a loved one, and so on.

Beloved Master, am I getting lazy on the way to enlightenment?

Can you please talk on the difference between falling asleep and letting go?

Question 5

Beloved Osho, if the master is the one who chooses the disciple and drops him -- though it may appear to the disciple that he has chosen the master, and in the course of time, has dropped him -- Beloved Osho, why did you have to tell us?

Now I have the feeling and fear that you might drop me at any time. Beloved, please don't do that to me. It hurts very much to think of it because if a man like you cannot help me, then who will? I have always been let down, and it hurts. And to think of you letting me down is too much.

Beloved Osho, please promise that you won't let me down even if I am of no use to you. I know you won't, but still that fear is there. Please be with me always, will you?

Question 6

Beloved Osho, my beautiful Master! First I wanted to run away; now I never want to leave you. What happened?

(source:CD-ROM)